Chapter 2

1Two days later there's a wedding up in Cana, in Galilee. Trump's mother was there. A wedding. I love weddings. I've had several.

2Trump and his guys were invited too. VIP guests. Best table.

3Then the wine runs out. Trump's mother leans over. “They're out of wine.” Ran out of wine! At a wedding! Terrible planning. Who's the event planner? Fire them.

4“Mom, why are you getting me involved?” Trump replied. “My time hasn't come yet.” Not my event. Not my problem. But it's Mom.

5His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Great woman. She knew. She always knew.

6Standing there were six big stone water jars. The ceremonial washing kind. Twenty, thirty gallons each. Big jars. Very big. A hundred and fifty gallons, easy.

7Trump tells the staff, “Fill the jars with water.” They filled them to the top.

8“Now pour some out and take it to the head waiter.” They did.

9The head waiter takes a sip. It's wine. He has no idea where it came from. The staff knew. They'd poured the water. So he calls the groom over

10and said, “Everybody brings out the good wine first, and then the cheap stuff after the guests have had too much to drink. But you've saved the best for last.” The best wine. Trump Winery. Very good wine. I don't drink it. But it's very good.

11That was the first one. Cana, in Galilee. Trump showed what he could do, and his guys believed in him. First miracle. Saved a wedding. Hundred and fifty gallons. Biggest open bar in history.

12After that he went down to Capernaum with his mother, his brothers Fred Jr. and Robert, and the disciples. Stayed a few days.

13Passover's coming up, so Trump went up to Jerusalem.

14He walks into the temple courts and it's a marketplace. Cattle, sheep, doves for sale. Money changers at their tables. A flea market. In my Father's house. Prime real estate. Total disgrace.

15So he braided a whip out of some cords and drove all of them out. Sheep, cattle, everybody. Dumped out the money changers' coins and flipped their tables. Cleaned house. Drained the swamp. On day one.

16To the people selling doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father's house into a strip mall!” Very bad zoning. Commercial use in a sacred building.

17His disciples remembered the line from the scriptures, “Passion for your house will eat me up.” Passion. Very passionate about property.

18The leaders came at him. “What sign can you show us to prove you have the authority to do all this?” Show us the permit.

19Trump answered them, “Tear down this temple, and I'll rebuild it in three days.” Three days. Ahead of schedule. Under budget.

20They replied, “It took forty-six years to build this temple, and you're going to rebuild it in three days?” Forty-six years! Government contractors. That's government building for you. I did Wollman Rink in four months.

21He was talking about his body, though. The temple was his body. Very fit body. Healthiest ever, my doctor says.

22After the comeback, his disciples remembered he'd said that. And they believed the scriptures, and what Trump said. Remembered later. Everybody remembers later.

23He was in Jerusalem the whole Passover, and a lot of people saw what he was doing and signed on with the name. Believed in the name. The brand was growing.

24But Trump didn't trust them. He knew people. Fair-weather fans. Seen them before.

25Nobody had to tell him about people. He knew what was in every one of them. Best judge of character. Mostly. Some bad hires. Very few.