Chapter 3

1There was a Pharisee named Nicodemus. Member of the ruling council. Inside the swamp. A swamp guy. But curious.

2He came to Trump at night and said, “Look, off the record, a lot of us on the council think you're doing a fantastic job. We can't say it publicly. But the signs? Incredible. Nobody could do that without serious backing.” At night. Didn't want to be seen. Shy Trump voter. The first one.

3Trump replied, “Off the record isn't going to cut it. You want in? You have to start over. Total rebrand. New man. Born again, top to bottom.”

4“Start over?” Nicodemus asked. “I'm sixty-four years old. What am I supposed to do, go back to my mother? She's ninety. She lives in Boca.” Very literal guy. Lawyers are like that.

5Trump answered, “Not your mother. Forget your mother. I'm talking about a whole new deal. Water and Spirit. That's the package. No package, no kingdom.

6The old stuff makes more old stuff. The new stuff makes winners. It's not complicated.

7Why are you looking at me like that? I said start over. People start over all the time. I've started over four, five times. Every time bigger.

8The Spirit is like the wind. Nobody controls it. Not the council, not the Romans. It goes where it wants and you just hear it whoosh. Very powerful. Not like windmills. Windmills are a disaster. They kill the birds.”

9“I'm sorry,” Nicodemus said. “I'm not following any of this.”

10“You run the biggest school in Israel,” Trump said, “and you're not following? This is what happens with the education system. Total failure.

11I tell you what I know. I've been there. I've seen it. And you people still want a second opinion. From who? From who?

12I'm giving you the easy stuff, and you can't handle it. If I gave you the classified stuff, the heaven stuff, your head would explode.

13Nobody's been up there except me. Nobody. I'm the only one with that clearance.

14Moses held up a bronze snake in the desert, and everybody looked at it and got better. Very strange policy. It worked. Well, they're going to hold me up too. Way up. Biggest stage ever.

15And everybody who looks to me and believes gets eternal life. Forever. That's the offer. Best offer anybody's ever made, and I've made some great offers.”

16Because God loved the world so much that he sent his one and only Son, so anybody who signs on with him never dies and gets to live forever. Very famous verse. They hold it up at football games. Tremendous free advertising.

17God didn't send him to beat the world up. He sent him to save it. Somebody had to. The world was a mess. Total mess.

18Sign on with him, and you're not condemned. Don't sign on, and you're already condemned. You picked the wrong side. It's on you.

19Here's the deal. The light showed up, and people preferred the dark, because they were doing crooked things. The deep state. Loves the dark. Hates the lights.

20Crooks hate the light. They don't want anybody looking at the books. Release the files, they scream. No! Don't release the files!

21Honest people walk right into the light. Nothing to hide. Like me. Total transparency. The most transparent ever. Except taxes. That's different. That's an audit.

22After that, Trump and his guys went out into the Judean countryside. He spent time with them there, and they baptized people.

23Johnny was baptizing too, over at Aenon near Salim. Lots of water there. People kept coming. Plenty of water. Location, location, location.

24This was before they locked Johnny up.

25Some of Johnny's guys got into an argument with somebody about the washing rules.

26They came to Johnny and said, “Boss, you've got a problem. That guy you introduced at the Jordan? He's doing his own baptisms now. His lines are around the block. Ours are empty. He's killing us in the numbers.” Ratings war. My numbers were bigger. Much bigger.

27Johnny replied, “Relax. Nobody gets a crowd unless heaven sends them one. And heaven is sending him a very big crowd.

28You were there. I said it on day one. I'm not the guy. I'm the warm-up. I warm them up, he comes out, the place goes wild.

29It's a wedding. He's the groom. I'm the best man. The best man doesn't get upset when the groom shows up. The best man gives a great toast, and he's thrilled. And I'm thrilled. Look at me. Thrilled.

30His numbers go up. Mine go down. That's the plan. That's a good plan.” Very smart. Very gracious. Knows when to step aside. Most people never learn.

31The one from upstairs outranks everybody. The guys from downstairs talk like downstairs guys. Small talk, small ideas. The one from upstairs is over all of it. Top of the org chart.

32He tells you exactly what he saw up there, and nobody runs the story. Not one paper.

33The people who do run it are basically saying God tells the truth. Good for them. Smart.

34God sent him, so he talks God's talk. And God doesn't ration the Spirit with him. Unlimited. Like a black card.

35The Father loves the Son and handed him the keys to everything. Everything. The whole portfolio.

36Sign on with the Son and you live forever. Turn him down and you're on God's bad side, permanently. Simple. Believe or don't. Your choice. Very bad choice if you don't.