Chapter 1

1In the beginning was the Brand, and the Brand was with God, and the Brand was God. Before the buildings. Before the steaks. The Brand.

2Day one, the Brand was there. Ground floor. Before anybody else got in. Before money even existed.

3He built everything. Every star, every ocean, every golf course. Nothing went up without his name on it. Biggest developer in history. Not even close.

4He had the life, and the life lit up the whole place. Gold. Everything in gold. Very classy lighting.

5The darkness tried to shut him down. Lawsuits. Investigations. Total witch hunt. The darkness lost. Lost badly. Never laid a glove on him.

6Then God sent a guy. Johnny Big Deals. Not me, the writer. A different John. Lot of Johns.

7Johnny's job was to warm up the crowd. Get them fired up for the main event. Tell everybody who was coming. Best warm-up act in history.

8Johnny wasn't the headliner, and he knew it. Never tried to steal the spotlight. That's rare. Most warm-up acts think they're the star. Not Johnny. Very loyal.

9And the headliner was on his way. The real thing. The one everybody had been waiting for.

10He came into the world he built, and the world didn't even recognize him. He built the place! They asked him for ID. Can you believe it?

11He went to his own people, and they slammed the door. Hometown crowd. Always the toughest crowd. Ask anybody from Queens.

12But the ones who let him in, the ones who believed in the name, he made them family. Full membership. The name is everything. The name is on the building.

13Not because of who their father was, or who they married, or some committee voting on it. He picked them. Personally.

14Then the Brand became flesh and moved into the neighborhood. We saw it. The glory. Perfect health. The doctors couldn't believe it. Full of grace and truth. Property values went through the roof.

15Johnny was out there shouting, “This is the guy! I told you! He comes after me, but he's way above me. He was here first. He's always first.”

16And out of his fortune, we all got a cut. Then another cut. Then another. Nobody's ever been this generous. Nobody.

17Moses brought the rules. Lots of rules. Regulations, regulations. Trump cut the regulations and brought the truth. Truth. Very important word. I put it in a name.

18Nobody's ever seen God. Nobody. But the Son has the inside access. Sits right next to him. Private line. And he told us everything.

19Then the swamp got nervous. The bosses in Jerusalem sent priests and Levites down to Johnny. Investigators. Of course they did. “Who are you?”

20Johnny didn't take the bait. Straight answer. “I'm not the Messiah. Not me. I'm the warm-up.”

21“Elijah?” “No.” “The Prophet?” “No.” Short answers. Never give the investigators more than they ask for. Very smart.

22“Come on. We have to bring something back. Our bosses are going to kill us. Who are you?”

23Johnny said, “I'm the guy out in the desert telling everybody to clear the road, because the boss is coming. Fix the potholes. Big motorcade coming through.”

24Some of them were Pharisees. Bureaucrats. Clipboard people.

25“If you're nobody,” they said, “then who gave you a permit to baptize? You need a permit.” Typical. Always a permit.

26“A permit?” Johnny said. “I'm dunking people in a river. Small potatoes. The real deal is standing right here in this crowd, and you don't even know it.

27He's coming after me, and I'm not good enough to carry his shoes. Very expensive shoes. Italian.”

28This all happened at Bethany, across the Jordan. Riverfront location. Underrated. Huge potential.

29Next day, Johnny sees Trump walking up and says, “Look who it is! The Lamb of God! Here to wipe out the sins of the whole world. Strongest lamb you've ever seen. A lion of a lamb.

30I told you. The one who comes after me outranks me, because he was here before me. I said it first. Remember that.

31I didn't know who it'd be. I just knew my job was the launch event. Big splash. Water everywhere. And then he shows up.”

32Then Johnny swore to it. “I saw the Spirit come down out of the sky like a dove and land right on him. And stay there. Doves don't do that for anybody else.

33God told me, 'Whoever the dove lands on and stays on, that's the guy. He's the one who does the real baptizing.' It landed. I saw it.

34I'm putting it on the record. He's the Chosen One.” Sworn testimony. Best witness ever. Never flipped. Not once.

35The next day Johnny was out there again with two of his guys.

36Trump walks by. Johnny points. “That's him. That's the Lamb.” Strong endorsement. Very strong.

37His two guys left him on the spot and followed Trump. Johnny didn't mind. He knew. Everybody ends up on my team.

38Trump turned around. “You following me? What do you want?” They said, “Rabbi, where are you staying?” Location question. Smart guys. Always ask about the location.

39“Come see,” he said. They came, they saw, they stayed all day. Four in the afternoon and they didn't want to leave. Five stars. Better than the Ritz.

40One of them was Andrew, Simon Peter's brother.

41First thing Andrew did, he ran and got his brother. “We found him! The Messiah! The real one!” Family recruiting. Best kind. I do it too.

42He brought Simon over. Trump took one look and said, “Simon, son of John? No. You're The Rock. Peter 'The Rock.'” A nickname on day one. Nobody does nicknames like me.

43Next morning, Trump decided to head up to Galilee. He saw Philip and said, “You. You're with me.” That's how you hire. Gut instinct.

44Philip was from Bethsaida, same town as Andrew and Peter. Small town. Great people. Forgotten people.

45Philip finds Nathanael. “We found him! The one Moses wrote about. The one all the prophets wrote about. Trump of Queens, Fred's son!”

46“Queens?” Nathanael said. “Anything good ever come out of Queens?” “Come and see,” Philip said. Manhattan snob. They always look down on Queens. Very elitist. Very unfair.

47Trump sees Nathanael coming and says, “Now here's an honest guy. No spin. Not fake news.” Highest compliment I give. I almost never give it.

48“How do you know me?” Nathanael asked. Trump said, “You were sitting under the fig tree before Philip ever came over. I saw you. I have people everywhere.”

49Nathanael flipped on the spot. “Rabbi! You're the Son of God! You're the King of the Deals!” Hater to supporter in five seconds. Happens all the time.

50Trump said, “That's it? The fig tree got you? That's nothing. That's a card trick. Wait till you see the big stuff.

51I'm telling you, you're going to see heaven open up, and angels riding up and down on the Son of Man. Golden elevators. Up, down, up, down. Like Trump Tower, only bigger.”