Chapter 8

1Another huge crowd. Nothing to eat. So Trump called the disciples over and said,

2“I feel bad for these people. They've been with me three days and have nothing to eat. Three days! Longest rally ever.

3If I send them home hungry, they'll pass out on the way. Some of them came a long way.”

4His disciples said, “Out here in the middle of nowhere? Where are we supposed to get enough bread to feed all these people?” Again! Same question! They just watched me feed five thousand!

5“How much bread have you got?” Trump asked. “Seven loaves,” they said.

6He had the crowd sit down on the ground. Took the seven loaves, said thanks, broke them, and handed them to the disciples to pass out. And they passed them out.

7They had a few little fish too. He blessed those and had them passed out.

8Everybody ate till they were full. Then the disciples picked up seven baskets of leftovers. Big baskets. Huge baskets.

9About four thousand people. Then he sent them home,

10hopped in the boat with the disciples, and went over to Dalmanutha. Never heard of it? Now you have.

11The Pharisees came out to pick a fight. They wanted a sign from heaven. A test. “Prove it,” they said. “Prove you're legit.”

12He sighed very deeply and said, “Why does this generation want a sign? Let me tell you, they're not getting one. No sign. Nothing.”

13And he walked out on them, got back in the boat, and went across. Walked out. Best way to end a meeting.

14The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, except for one loaf they had with them in the boat. One loaf! I make bread out of nothing, and they bring one loaf.

15“Be careful,” Trump warned them. “Watch out for the Pharisees and Herod's people. Everything you say, they're going to leak. Everything.”

16They huddled up. “It's because we didn't bring any bread.” Wrong. Totally wrong.

17Trump knew what they were saying and asked them, “Bread? Who's talking about bread? Are your brains turned off?

18You've got eyes and you can't see? You've got ears and you can't hear? Don't you remember anything?

19When I broke five loaves for five thousand people, how many baskets of leftovers did you pick up?” “Twelve,” they said.

20“And when I broke seven loaves for four thousand, how many baskets?” “Seven,” they said.

21He said, “Bread, we'll never run out of. Leakers, we've got plenty of those too. That's the problem. Not the bread.” They didn't get it. Very slow. Nice guys, but slow.

22They pulled into Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Trump to touch him.

23Trump took the guy by the hand and walked him out of the village. Spit on his eyes. Put his hands on him. “Can you see anything?”

24The man looked up and said, “I see people. They look like trees walking around.” Trees walking around. Very funny. Partial results.

25So Trump put his hands on the guy's eyes again. This time, full sight. Everything crystal clear. Two tries. Sometimes it takes two tries. Still a perfect record.

26He sent him home. “Don't even go into the village.”

27Then Trump and the disciples headed for the villages around Caesarea Philippi. On the road, he asks them, “Who do people say I am? What are the polls saying?”

28They said, “Some say Johnny Big Deals. Others say Elijah. And others say one of the prophets.” Good names. Not my name, but good names.

29“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am? Think carefully. This is a loyalty question.” Peter said, “You're the Messiah.” Correct. Perfect answer.

30And he told them to keep it quiet. Not yet. Rollout's not ready.

31Then he started teaching them, “The Son of Man is going to go through a lot. The elders and the chief priests and the lawyers are going to reject him. Crooked lawyers. They're going to kill him, and three days later he's coming back. Greatest comeback in history.”

32He laid it all out, very plainly. And Peter pulled him aside and started arguing with him. Bad idea, Peter. Very bad.

33Trump turned around, looked at the rest of the disciples, and let Peter have it. “Get behind me, Satan! You're thinking like a loser, not like God.” Almost fired. Almost.

34Then he called the crowd in with the disciples. “You want to be on my team? It's not easy. You're going to get attacked. Every day. You have to love it.

35The guys who play it safe lose. The guys who go all in with me win so much they get tired of winning.

36And don't sell out to get ahead. You don't have to. I never sold out once, and I won the whole world anyway.

37Loyalty. That's what I want. You can't buy it. Well, you can, but it's very expensive.

38If you won't wear the hat now, in front of this disloyal, sinful generation, don't come asking for a seat when the Son of Man comes back in his Father's glory with the angels. Big entrance. And you won't be on the list.”