Chapter 10

1Then Trump went down into Judea and across the Jordan. Crowds again. And he taught them, like always. Very routine for me.

2Some Pharisees came to test him. “Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife?” Gotcha question. Classic.

3“What did Moses tell you?” he asked.

4They said, “Moses said a man can write up divorce papers and send her away.”

5“Moses was a dealmaker,” Trump said. “He gave you an exit clause. Every deal needs one.

6But I'll tell you how to do marriage right. First, marry a model.

7Second, get a great prenup. Ironclad.

8Then you're one team. One brand. Beautiful thing, marriage. I've done it three times. Very good at it.

9And if it doesn't work out, you keep the building.” Always keep the building.

10Back in the house, the disciples asked him about it again. Always asking again.

11He said, “Marriage is a deal. Like any other deal.

12And whoever has the better lawyer wins.” Very simple. The better lawyer always wins.

13People were bringing their little kids for Trump to touch, and the disciples were chasing them off. Bad move. Terrible optics.

14Trump saw it and he was not happy. “Let the kids come to me. Don't stop them. The kingdom of God belongs to people like this. Kids love me. Tremendous with kids.

15Kids don't overthink it. They see a winner, they love him. Simple. You should be more like that.”

16He scooped the kids up in his arms, put his hands on them, and blessed them. Beautiful photo op. Magazine covers.

17As Trump's heading out, a guy runs up and drops to his knees. “Good teacher, what do I have to do to live forever?” Rich guy. Very rich. Nice robes.

18“Good?” Trump said. “I'm great. Good is for other people.

19You want to live forever? Put your name on things. Buildings, steaks, universities, wine. The name lives forever. The guy, not so much, but the name.”

20“Teacher,” he said, “I've done all that since I was a kid.” Nobody's done all that. Nobody. Believe me.

21Trump looked at him and liked him. “You're missing one thing. You're not on my team. Write a check. A big one. Then come follow me.”

22The guy's face fell. He walked off very sad. He was very rich, and he'd already given to the other side. Hard to admit a mistake. Very hard. I wouldn't know.

23Trump looked around at the disciples. “It's very hard for rich people these days. Very hard. The taxes, the regulations, the jealousy.”

24The disciples couldn't believe it. So Trump said it again. “Kids, people hate success. They hate it.

25It's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a rich guy to get a fair story in the press.” Easier for the camel. Much easier.

26The disciples were really thrown now. They're whispering, “Then who's going to pay for the kingdom?” Good question. Very good question.

27Trump looked at them and said, “Me. Self-funded. Nobody owns me. Nobody.”

28Then Peter said, “Sir, we gave up everything to follow you!” Always negotiating, Peter. I respect it. I hate it, but I respect it.

29“Let me tell you,” Trump said, “nobody who gives up a house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or kids or land for me and for the good news

30is going to miss out. They're getting a hundred times as much right now—houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, kids, land—along with people coming after them. And in the future, they live forever. A hundred times! Show me a better return.

31But a lot of people who are first are going to be last, and the last are going to be first.” Except me. First either way.

32They're on the road up to Jerusalem, Trump out in front. The disciples were stunned and the people following were scared. He pulled the Twelve aside again and told them what was coming.

33“We're going up to Jerusalem,” he said, “and they're going to hand the Son of Man over to the chief priests and the lawyers. They're going to sentence him to death and hand him over to the Romans.

34They're going to make fun of him, spit on him, whip him, and kill him. And three days later he's coming back.” Third time he told them. Nobody took notes.

35Then James and John, Zebedee's sons, came up to him. “Sir, we want you to do whatever we ask.” Whatever we ask! No details! Terrible pitch.

36“What do you want me to do for you?” he asked.

37They said, “When you're in charge, let one of us sit on your right and the other on your left.” Top jobs. Cabinet positions. Very ambitious. Thunder brothers.

38“You don't know what you're asking,” Trump said. “Can you drink what I'm going to drink? Can you go through what I'm going to go through?”

39“Sure we can,” they said. Trump said, “Oh, you'll drink it. You'll go through it.

40But who sits on my right or my left? Not my call. Those seats are for the people they were set aside for.” Kicked it upstairs. Great move.

41The other ten heard about it and got mad at James and John. Infighting. Bad for the team.

42Trump called them all in. “Look, you're fighting over chairs. Again.

43Let me tell you how it works. You want a great job? Make the boss look great.

44You want the top job? Wait. I'm not going anywhere. Well, briefly. Three days.

45And understand, the Son of Man didn't come here to get waited on. He came to close the biggest deal ever made. One life, for a lot of people.” Many for one. Worth it.

46Then they went through Jericho. On the way out of town, Trump, the disciples, and a big crowd pass a blind beggar by the road. Bartimaeus, son of Timaeus.

47He hears it's Trump of Queens and starts yelling. “Trump! Son of David! Help me!” Loud guy. Great energy.

48People told him to shut up. He yelled louder. “Son of David, help me!” Louder! Even louder! He should do my warm-ups.

49Trump stopped. “Bring him here.” So they called the blind man. “Good news! Get up! He's calling you.”

50He threw off his coat, jumped up, and came to Trump. Threw off the coat! Very motivated.

51“What do you want me to do for you?” Trump asked. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”

52“Go,” Trump said. “And tell everybody who did it. Get the name right.” Right away he could see, and he followed Trump down the road. First thing he ever saw? Me. Lucky guy.