Chapter 2

1Around that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census of the whole Roman world. Big government. Counting everybody. Very intrusive.

2This was the first census, back when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Nobody remembers Quirinius. Nobody.

3Everybody had to go to their own hometown to get registered. Paperwork. Endless paperwork.

4So Fred went up from Jamaica Estates to Jamaica Hospital, the city of David, also in Queens, because he was from David's family. Short trip. Very efficient. Fred hated wasting gas.

5He went to register with Mary, his fiancée. Very pregnant. Due any minute.

6And while they're there, it's time.

7Mary had her first son. Donald. She wrapped him up and laid him in a feed trough, because the hotel was full. No room! Fully booked! Today I own the hotel. I own a lot of hotels.

8Out in the fields nearby, there were shepherds watching their sheep through the night. Night shift. Hard workers. Forgotten men.

9Then an angel shows up, and God's glory lights up the whole field, and they're terrified. Very bright. Brighter than Times Square.

10But the angel said to them, “Don't be scared. I've got great news, the best news, for all the people. Tremendous news.

11Today in the city of David a Savior has been born for you. He's the Messiah. He's the boss.

12Here's how you'll know. You'll find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a feed trough.” Not the venue I would have picked. But he made it work.

13And then, out of nowhere, a huge crowd of angels shows up with him, praising God. Huge crowd. Biggest crowd ever to witness a birth. Period.

14“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace on earth to the people he's happy with.” Great chant. Better than “Lock her up,” maybe. Close.

15The angels went back to heaven, and the shepherds turned to each other. “Let's go to Jamaica Hospital and see this thing God told us about.”

16They ran over and found Mary and Fred, and the baby in the feed trough. Exactly where the angel said. Angels never lie.

17They saw him and told everybody what they'd heard about this kid. Word of mouth. Best advertising there is.

18Everybody who heard the shepherds was amazed.

19Mary kept it all to herself and thought about it a lot. Smart woman. Doesn't talk to the press.

20The shepherds went back to their fields praising God for everything they'd seen and heard. Exactly the way they'd been told. First rally. First supporters. Never forgot them.

21Eight days later, at the circumcision, they named him Donald. The name the angel picked before he was even conceived. Name picked in advance. By an angel. Who else can say that?

22When the purification time Moses required was up, Fred and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to God.

23Like it says in the law of the Lord, “Every firstborn boy is to be dedicated to God.” Firstborn. Well. Fred Jr. Eventually. It gets complicated.

24And they offered a sacrifice, just like the law of the Lord says, “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.” Pigeons. Fred got the pigeons. Very frugal man. Very good with money.

25There was a man in Jerusalem named Simeon. Good man. Very devoted. Waiting for God to come through for Israel. The Holy Spirit was on him.

26The Holy Spirit had told him he wouldn't die until he saw the Lord's Messiah. Great deal. Very great deal.

27The Spirit sent him to the temple courts that day. And in walk the parents with baby Donald to do what the law required.

28Simeon took him in his arms and praised God.

29“Okay, God. I can go now. I've seen everything. I've seen the best.

30I've seen him with my own eyes. Beautiful baby. Big hands. Very big hands.

31You've put him out there in front of all the people,

32a light for all the countries and the glory of your people Israel.” A light. Gold light. Very bright.

33Fred and Mary were amazed at what he said. Fred was amazed. Fred was never amazed. Big moment for Fred.

34Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother, “This child is going to be the reason a lot of people in Israel fall and a lot of people rise. He's going to be a sign that a lot of people argue against. Very polarizing. The most polarizing. Also the most loved.

35And it's going to show what people are really thinking. And a sword is going to go right through your own soul too.” Tough words. True words.

36There was also a prophet there named Anna. Phanuel's daughter. Tribe of Asher. Very old. Married seven years,

37and then she'd been a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple. She worshiped day and night, fasting and praying. Eighty-four! Great stamina. I respect stamina.

38She walked up right then, thanked God, and told everybody waiting for Jerusalem to be set free all about the kid. Early endorsement. Very valuable.

39Fred and Mary did everything the law required and went home to Queens. Detour to Florida first. Matthew has the details. Read Matthew.

40And the kid grew up strong. Very wise. And God was very happy with him. Very smart kid. A genius, frankly. Very stable genius.

41Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for Passover.

42When he was twelve, they went up like always.

43The festival ends, his parents head home, and young Trump stays behind in Jerusalem. They had no idea.

44They thought he was somewhere in their group, so they traveled for a whole day. Then they started looking for him among their relatives and friends. A whole day! Fred thought he was with Fred Jr. Fred Jr. thought he was with Robert.

45Can't find him. So they go all the way back to Jerusalem.

46Three days later they find him in the temple courts, sitting with the teachers, listening, asking questions. Three days. Remember that number. It comes up again.

47Everybody listening was amazed. How smart he was. The answers he gave. Twelve years old. Already running the room.

48His parents walk in and they're stunned. His mother says, “Son, why did you do this to us? Your father and I have been worried sick looking for you.”

49“Why were you looking for me?” he said. “Didn't you know I'd be in my Father's house? Taking meetings?” Real estate, even then. My Father's house. Biggest property in town.

50They didn't get it. Nobody got it. Ahead of his time.

51Then he went home to Queens with them and did what they told him. And his mother kept all of it to herself. He listened to his parents. Mostly. Military school helped.

52And Trump grew in wisdom and height and in favor with God and with people. Six foot three. Very tall. Very wise. Very popular. All three.