Chapter 15

1The tax guys and the sinners were all crowding in to hear Trump. Big tent. Everybody welcome. Everybody.

2And the Pharisees and the lawyers were grumbling. “This guy welcomes sinners and eats with them.” Jealous. Nobody wants to eat with them.

3So Trump told them a story.

4“Say you've got a hundred sheep and you lose one. You leave the ninety-nine and go find that one. Every time. Never leave a voter behind. Every vote counts. Every one.

5And when you find it, you throw it over your shoulders. Very happy.

6You get home, you call up everybody. Friends, neighbors. 'Party at my place! I found my sheep!' Big party. For one sheep. That's how much I care.

7Heaven's the same. One guy flips, comes over to our side? Bigger party than for ninety-nine who were always with us. Flipped voters. The best kind. Bigger celebration.

8Or say a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. She turns on every light, sweeps the whole house, tears the place apart till she finds it. Every coin. Very careful with money. Smart woman. Fred would have liked her.

9She finds it and calls everybody. 'I found my coin! Come celebrate!'

10Same thing with people. You flip one guy from the other side, that's a party. Big rally. The angels go crazy.”

11Trump went on. “There was a man who had two sons. Two sons. I know a lot about sons. I have several. Great sons. Some greater than others.

12The younger one goes to his father. 'Dad, give me my share of the money. Now.' And the father split it up. Early inheritance. Very bad idea. Never do it.

13A few days later the kid packs up everything, moves far away, and blows every penny partying. Blew it all. Vegas, probably. Atlantic City. Not my casinos. Other casinos.

14And the second the money's gone, a famine hits the whole country. Now he's broke and starving. Bad timing. Market crash. Spent it all right before the crash.

15So he takes a job with some local guy who sends him out to feed the pigs. Pigs! Again with the pigs. The pigs always lose.

16He's so hungry he's eyeing the pig food. Nobody gives him a thing. Rock bottom. Total rock bottom.

17Finally it hits him. 'My father's lowest guys eat better than this, and I'm out here starving! My father pays well. Very good employer. Excellent benefits.

18I'm going back. I'll tell him, Dad, I blew it. Against heaven and against you.

19I'm not good enough to be called your son anymore. Make me like one of your hired workers.' A job. Asking for a job. Good. Very humble. Humble is good. For other people.

20So he heads home. And he's still way down the road when his father spots him. And the father runs. Runs to him, grabs him, hugs him, kisses him. Ran! The father ran! Rich guys don't run. That's how happy he was.

21The kid starts his speech. 'Dad, I blew it. Against heaven and against you. I don't deserve to be your son anymore.'

22The father cuts him off and yells to the staff. 'Hurry! The best robe. Put it on him. Ring on his finger. Shoes on his feet. The best robe. Gold ring. Brand-new shoes. First class. All the way.

23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. Steak. Well-done. With ketchup.

24Because this son of mine was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found.' So they started celebrating. Comeback. Greatest comeback. Second only to mine.

25Meanwhile, the older son's out working the field. He's walking up to the house and hears music. Dancing.

26He grabs one of the staff. 'What's going on?'

27'Your brother's back,' the guy says, 'and your father's throwing a whole calf on the grill because he got him back in one piece.'

28The older brother was furious. Wouldn't even go inside. So the father came out and begged him. The older brother. Very upset. I get it. I see both sides. Very fair. Nobody's fairer than me.

29But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been working like a slave for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. Never even got a goat! Loyal employee. No goat. No bonus. Unfair.

30But when this son of yours who has wasted your money on prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!' This son of yours. Not my brother. Your son. Very cold.

31'My son,' the father said, 'you're my guy. Loyal. You're getting the company. The whole company.

32He gets a party. One party. A party's cheap. The company's worth billions. So who won? You won.'” Very smart father. Great businessman. Reminds me of Fred.