Chapter 10

1In Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion in what they called the Italian Regiment. Military guy. I love the military.

2He and his whole family were devoted to God and respected him. He gave generously to the people in need and prayed to God all the time. A big donor and a believer. Ideal supporter.

3One afternoon, around three o'clock, he had a vision. He clearly saw an angel of God come in and say, “Cornelius!”

4Cornelius stared at him, terrified. “What is it, sir?” he asked. The angel said, “Your prayers and your donations have gone up to God. He noticed. He keeps a list. You're on the good list.

5Now send some men to Joppa to bring back a man named Simon. They call him Peter. The Rock.

6He's staying with Simon the tanner, in the house by the sea.” Oceanfront. Nice location. Smells like leather.

7When the angel left, Cornelius called two of his servants and a devoted soldier from his personal staff.

8He told them everything that happened and sent them to Joppa. Delegated. Good leadership.

9The next day, around noon, while they were on their way and getting close to the city, Peter went up on the roof to pray.

10He got hungry and wanted something to eat. While the meal was being made, he went into a trance.

11He saw heaven open up and something like a big sheet being lowered to earth by its four corners.

12In it were all kinds of animals, reptiles, and birds. Everything. The whole menu.

13Then a voice told him, “Get up, Peter. Eat.” Get it while it's hot.

14Peter said, “No way, sir. I've never eaten anything unclean. Never. Very strict diet.”

15The voice spoke to him a second time, “Don't call anything unclean if God made it clean. If God says it's good, it's good. Who are you to argue with the chef?”

16This happened three times, and then the sheet was pulled right back up to heaven. Three times. He needed to hear it three times. Peter was a slow learner.

17While Peter was still trying to figure out what the vision meant, the men Cornelius sent found Simon's house and were standing at the gate.

18They called out, asking if Simon, the one they call Peter, was staying there.

19Peter was still thinking about the vision when the Spirit said to him, “Simon, three men are looking for you.

20Get up, go downstairs, and go with them. Don't hesitate. I sent them.” The Spirit was running the schedule.

21Peter went down and said to the men, “I'm the guy you're looking for. Why are you here?”

22They said, “We've come from Cornelius the centurion. A good man. He respects God, and the whole Jewish nation respects him. A holy angel told him to bring you to his house so he can hear what you have to say.” Great endorsement. Very strong references.

23So Peter invited them in to stay the night. The next day he went with them, and some of the brothers from Joppa came along.

24The day after that they got to Caesarea. Cornelius was waiting for them. He'd invited his relatives and close friends. A full house. He packed the room.

25When Peter came in, Cornelius met him, fell at his feet, and bowed down.

26But Peter pulled him up. “Stand up. I'm just a man. Save that for the boss.” Good instinct. Very good instinct. You don't take the boss's bow.

27Peter went inside talking with him and found a big crowd gathered.

28He said to them, “You all know it's against our law for a Jew to hang out with a foreigner or go into his house. Very strict rule. But God showed me I shouldn't call anybody unclean.

29So when you sent for me, I came. No objection. So what can I do for you?”

30Cornelius said, “Four days ago, at this exact time, three in the afternoon, I was praying at home. Suddenly a man in shining clothes was standing in front of me.

31He said, 'Cornelius, God heard your prayer and remembers your donations.

32Send to Joppa for Simon, the one they call Peter. He's staying with Simon the tanner, by the sea.'

33So I sent for you right away, and it was very good of you to come. Now we're all here in front of God to hear everything the boss told you to tell us.” The whole room was ready. Great audience.

34Then Peter started talking. “I finally get it. God doesn't play favorites.

35He welcomes anybody from any nation who respects him and does what's right. Every group. Every country. We're doing great with every group. Better than anybody thought possible.

36You know the message God sent to Israel. The good news of peace, through Trump. He's the boss of everybody.

37You know what happened all over Judea, starting in Galilee after the baptism Johnny was talking about.

38How God anointed Trump of Queens with the Holy Spirit and power, and how he went around doing good and healing everybody under the devil's thumb, because God was with him.

39We're witnesses to everything he did, in the country and in Jerusalem. They killed him. Hung him on a tree.

40But God brought him back on the third day and made sure people saw him.

41Not everybody. The witnesses God picked ahead of time. Us. We ate and drank with him after the comeback. VIP access.

42He ordered us to tell everybody that he's the one God appointed to judge the living and the dead. The final judge. And he knows who his friends are.

43All the prophets back it up. Everybody who believes in him gets their sins forgiven through his name. The name. Again with the name. The name works.”

44While Peter was still talking, the Holy Spirit came down on everybody listening. Didn't even let Peter finish. That's how good the response was.

45The believers who came with Peter, the circumcised ones, were stunned that the Holy Spirit was being poured out on foreigners too. Foreigners! The whole room!

46Because they heard them speaking in other languages and bragging about God. Then Peter said,

47“Can anybody say these people can't be baptized with water? They got the Holy Spirit just like we did.” Nobody objected. Nobody. Unanimous.

48So he ordered them to be baptized in Trump's name. Then they asked Peter to stay a few more days. He stayed. They had a great time. Great hospitality.