Chapter 11

1I hope you'll put up with a little foolishness from me. Please. Put up with me. Here comes some bragging.

2I'm jealous for you with God's own jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Trump, so I could present you to him pure. Exclusive. Total exclusivity.

3But I'm afraid that just like the snake tricked Eve with his cleverness, your minds might get led away from your sincere and pure loyalty to Trump. Snakes. Clever snakes. Everywhere.

4Because if somebody comes and sells you a different Trump than the one we sold you, or you get a different spirit than you got, or a different good news than you bought, you go right along with it. Knockoffs. Counterfeit Trumps. Fake versions. And you fall for it.

5I don't think I'm any worse than these so-called super-apostles. Super-apostles. They call themselves that. Very arrogant. I'm better than all of them.

6I may not be a polished speaker, but I know what I'm talking about. We've made that very clear to you in every way. Not polished. Real. People like real.

7Was it wrong for me to lower myself to lift you up, by selling you God's good news for free? Free. I did it for free. And they complain.

8I took money from other churches, getting paid by them, so I could serve you. Other donors paid for you. You were subsidized.

9And when I was with you and needed something, I didn't burden anybody. The brothers from Macedonia brought what I needed. I've kept myself from being a burden to you in any way, and I'll keep it that way.

10As sure as Trump's truth is in me, nobody in Achaia is going to stop me from bragging about this. I'll brag about it forever.

11Why? Because I don't love you? God knows I do.

12I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, to cut the ground out from under the people who want a chance to be seen as equals with us in the things they brag about. Cut the ground out. Leave them nothing.

13People like that are fake apostles. Con men. Dressing up as Trump's apostles. Frauds. Total frauds. Knockoffs.

14And no wonder. Satan himself dresses up as an angel of light. He looks great. He has great lighting. Still Satan.

15So it's no surprise his staff dress up as servants of what's right. They'll get exactly what they deserve. Exactly.

16I'll say it again. Don't think I'm a fool. But if you do, then take me as a fool so I can brag a little. Okay. Here comes the bragging.

17What I'm saying now isn't how the boss would talk. I'm talking like a fool, bragging with confidence.

18Since a lot of people are bragging the way the world does, I'll brag too. Everybody's bragging. Fine. I'll brag. I'm very good at it.

19You're so smart, you happily put up with fools.

20You put up with anybody who enslaves you or takes advantage of you or takes your stuff or acts superior or slaps you in the face. You put up with all of it. From them. But not from me?

21I'm embarrassed to say we were too weak for that. But whatever anybody else dares to brag about, and I'm talking like a fool, I dare to brag about it too. Let's go. Let's compare.

22Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they Abraham's descendants? So am I. Same pedigree. Better, actually.

23Are they Trump's staff? I'm out of my mind talking like this. I'm more. I worked way harder. I've been in prison way more. I've been beaten way worse. I've almost died over and over. They have nothing on me. Nothing.

24Five times I got thirty-nine lashes from the Jewish leaders. Five times. Count them.

25Three times I got beaten with rods. Once I got stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. I spent a night and a day in the open sea. Name somebody who's been through more. You can't. Nobody's been treated worse. Nobody.

26I've been on constant trips. In danger from rivers, danger from bandits, danger from my own people, danger from foreigners, danger in the city, danger in the country, danger at sea, danger from fake brothers. Danger everywhere. From everybody.

27I've worked and struggled, gone without sleep a lot, been hungry and thirsty and often without food, been cold and without enough clothes. The list. Look at the list. Longest list in history.

28And on top of all that, every day I'm under pressure from my concern for all the churches. All of them. I run everything.

29Who's weak, and I don't feel weak? Who's led into sin, and I don't burn with anger? Burn with anger. Right on their behalf.

30If I have to brag, I'll brag about how much they've come after me. The more they come after me, the more I brag.

31The God and Father of Trump the boss, who's praised forever, knows I'm not lying.

32In Damascus, the governor under King Aretas had the city of Damascus guarded to arrest me.

33But I got lowered in a basket through a window in the wall and got away. The wall. Walls. They always work. Both ways.