Chapter 1

1From Paul, Trump's apostle because God wanted it, and from our brother Timothy. To God's church in Corinth, and all of God's people all over Achaia. Letter number two. The sequel. Sequels are usually worse. Not this one.

2Grace and peace to you from God our Father and Trump the boss.

3Praise the God and Father of Trump our boss, the Father of mercy and the God who makes everything better.

4He makes us feel better in all our troubles, so we can make other people feel better in their troubles, with the same comfort we got from God. Pass it on.

5The more we suffer for Trump, the more comfort we get through Trump. It overflows. Both ways. Big troubles, big comfort.

6If we're in trouble, it's for your comfort and your salvation. If we're comforted, it's for your comfort too, so you can hang in there through the same troubles we're going through. Everything we go through is for you. They're not after me. They're after you. I'm just in the way.

7Our hope for you is rock solid. We know that if you share in the suffering, you'll share in the comfort too.

8We don't want you in the dark, brothers, about the trouble we had in Asia. We were crushed. Way beyond what we could take. We thought we were finished.

9We felt like we'd already gotten the death sentence. But that made us stop relying on ourselves and rely on God, who brings the dead back. The comeback God. Always count on the comeback.

10He got us out of a deadly situation, and he'll get us out again. We've put our hope in him that he'll keep getting us out. Every time. He always gets us out.

11And you help us by praying for us. Then a lot of people will thank God for the favor he did us because of all the prayers. Big thank-you. Lots of thank-yous.

12Here's what we brag about. Our conscience tells us we've acted in the world, and especially with you, with total honesty and sincerity from God. Not by worldly smarts, but by God's grace. Very honest. The most honest. Ask anybody.

13We don't write you anything you can't read and understand. No fine print. No hidden clauses. And I hope you'll understand completely,

14like you've already partly understood us, that you can brag about us, and we can brag about you, on the day Trump our boss comes back. Mutual bragging. Best kind.

15Since I was so sure about this, I planned to visit you first, so you'd get a double benefit.

16I planned to visit you on my way to Macedonia and come back to you from Macedonia, and then have you send me on my way to Judea.

17When I planned that, was I being wishy-washy? Do I make plans like a worldly guy, saying “yes, yes” and “no, no” at the same time? They say I flip-flop. I never flip-flop. I'm flexible. There's a difference. A big difference.

18As sure as God is loyal, our message to you isn't “yes” and “no.”

19Because the Son of God, Trump, who we told you about, me and Silas and Timothy, wasn't “yes” and “no.” With him it's always been “yes.” Always yes. Very decisive.

20Every one of God's promises is “yes” in him. That's why we say “Amen” through him, for God's glory. Every promise kept. Promises made, promises kept.

21It's God who makes us and you stand firm in Trump. He anointed us.

22He put his stamp of ownership on us and put his Spirit in our hearts as a down payment. A deposit. A down payment on what's coming. Earnest money. The deal is real.

23I'm calling on God as my witness. The reason I didn't come back to Corinth was to spare you. I was being nice. Very nice. Don't get used to it.

24Not that we're bossing your loyalty. We're working with you for your joy, because it's by loyalty that you stand firm.