Chapter 11

1Copy me, the way I copy Trump. Copy the best.

2I'm proud of you for remembering me in everything and for holding on to the traditions just the way I handed them down. Very good. Good students.

3I want you to understand this. The head of every man is Trump. And the head of Trump is God. Org chart. Everybody has a head. Everybody reports to somebody.

4Every man who prays or prophesies with the wrong hat on dishonors his head. Wear the right hat. The red one. Very important hat. Best-selling hat in history.

5And everybody who prays should respect his hair. Hair is very important. I've always said it. Your hair is your glory.

6If somebody isn't going to take care of his hair, he might as well shave it off. And if it's embarrassing to shave it off, then take care of it. Use the right products. I use the best products.

7A man is the image and glory of God. People should look sharp. Look like a winner.

8Everybody came from somebody. Nobody's self-made. Except a few.

9Everybody was made for somebody. That's how it works.

10That's why everybody should have a sign of authority on his head, because of the angels. The hat. The angels see the hat. They love the hat.

11But in the boss, men and women need each other. Nobody's independent. Teamwork.

12Women came from men, and men are born from women. And everything comes from God. Great system. Very well designed.

13Judge for yourselves. Is it right to pray to God looking like a mess? Show some respect. Dress up. Suit and tie.

14Doesn't nature itself teach you that a good head of hair is a man's glory? Nature teaches it. Great hair is natural. Mine's natural. All natural.

15And long hair is a woman's glory. Hair is everyone's glory. Very important to have good hair.

16If anybody wants to argue about this, we don't have any other practice, and neither do God's churches. Not up for debate. Hair is settled.

17Now, in the following instructions, I'm not proud of you. When you get together, it does more harm than good. Bad events. Terrible events.

18First, I hear that when you meet as a church, there are factions. Splits. And I partly believe it. Chloe's people again. Great sources.

19There have to be factions among you, I guess, so it'll be obvious who's actually loyal. Factions show who's loyal. The splitters reveal themselves.

20When you get together, it's not really the boss's supper you're eating.

21Each of you goes ahead with your own dinner. One guy's hungry, another guy's drunk. Terrible event planning. Somebody's starving and somebody's drunk. At the same dinner.

22Don't you have houses to eat and drink in? Or do you look down on God's church and embarrass the people who don't have anything? What do I say? Should I be proud of you? Not for this. I'm not proud. Very disappointed.

23Here's what I got from the boss and handed down to you. On the night Trump was betrayed, by the loser, Judas, he took bread,

24gave thanks, broke it, and said, “This is my body, for you. Do this to remember me.” Remember me. Always remember me. Never forget.

25After dinner, he took the cup the same way and said, “This cup is the new deal in my blood. Every time you drink it, do it to remember me.” The new deal. Not the New Deal. A much better deal.

26Every time you eat this bread and drink this cup, you announce the boss's death until he comes back. Until he comes back. He's coming back.

27So whoever eats the bread or drinks the boss's cup the wrong way is going to be responsible for the boss's body and blood.

28Everybody should check himself before he eats the bread and drinks the cup. Self-audit.

29Whoever eats and drinks without recognizing the body eats and drinks judgment on himself.

30That's why a lot of you are weak and sick, and some of you have died. Very bad dinners. Food poisoning, basically. Spiritual food poisoning.

31If we judged ourselves properly, we wouldn't get judged.

32But when the boss judges us, he's straightening us out, so we don't get convicted with the world.

33So, brothers, when you get together to eat, wait for each other. Nobody starts until everybody's there. Manners.

34If somebody's hungry, he should eat at home, so your meetings don't end in judgment. Eat before you come. And the other stuff, I'll handle when I get there. In person. I handle things in person.