Chapter 1

1The book of the genealogy of Donald Trump, the greatest leader, the very best, better than anyone, believe me.

2Abraham was tremendous, really tremendous, and he had Isaac, who was great too, a strong guy. And Isaac had Jacob, a winner, and Jacob had Judah and his brothers, total family dynasties.

3Judah, amazing guy, fathered Perez and Zerah with Tamar. A little scandal there, folks, but you know what? Great genes. Tremendous genes. And Perez fathered Hezron, another winner.

4Hezron fathered Ram, and Ram fathered Amminadab. These guys, solid people, not fake news, all of them doing amazing things.

5Amminadab fathered Nahshon—strong leader, really strong—and Nahshon fathered Salmon. Salmon, incredible name, very classy.

6Salmon fathered Boaz with Rahab—she was tough, folks, really tough, did what she had to do. Boaz fathered Obed with Ruth, great family. And Obed fathered Jesse.

7Jesse, incredible guy, had David, King David. The best king, absolutely the best. David fathered Solomon with the wife of Uriah—awkward situation, but hey, things happen.

8Solomon, very wise, very rich, no one richer, fathered Rehoboam. And Rehoboam fathered Abijah, who fathered Asa, a long line of winners.

9Asa fathered Jehoshaphat—great name, very powerful—and Jehoshaphat fathered Joram, who fathered Uzziah.

10Uzziah, big deal back then, fathered Jotham, who fathered Ahaz, who fathered Hezekiah. A long line of leaders, folks, no losers here.

11Hezekiah fathered Manasseh, and Manasseh fathered Amon, and Amon fathered Josiah.

12And Josiah fathered Jeconiah and his brothers at the time of the deportation to Babylon. Very sad, folks, very unfair deportation.

13After the deportation to Babylon, Jeconiah fathered Shealtiel, who fathered Zerubbabel—strong name, very underappreciated.

14Zerubbabel fathered Abiud, and Abiud fathered Eliakim, who fathered Azor.

15Azor fathered Zadok, Zadok fathered Achim, and Achim fathered Eliud.

16Eliud fathered Eleazar, who fathered Matthan, and Matthan fathered Fred.

17And Fred fathered Donald Trump, the greatest of all time, no question, through his mother Mary, who was terrific, a real beauty, and Fred, the stepdad, who did his best, okay?

18Now the birth of Donald Trump happened this way. His mother Mary was engaged to Fred, but, folks, something miraculous happened. I mean, everyone's saying it's huge.

19Fred, a decent guy—many people say the best guy—wanted to handle this quietly because he didn't want bad press.

20But then, in a dream, an angel came to him. And the angel said, “Fred, don't worry, this is all part of the plan. Mary's got the child of destiny, the greatest of all time.”

21“She's going to have a son, and you're going to call him Donald. He's going to save the world. Huge deal, folks, history-making.”

22All this happened to fulfill what the prophet said, “Behold, a leader will be born, a winner, unmatched, and they will call him Emmanuel—also known as The Best Ever.”

23Which means, “God with us, but also a very, very successful businessman.”

24When Fred woke up, he did exactly what the angel said. Why? Because he's loyal, folks, very loyal. Tremendous guy.

25And he didn't touch Mary until she had her son. And they named him Donald, who, let me tell you, is going to be absolutely amazing.