Chapter 9

1Walking along, Trump sees a man who'd been blind since the day he was born.

2His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this guy or his parents, that he was born blind?” Blame game. Always looking for someone to blame.

3“Who sinned? Nobody. Bad luck. It happens,” said Trump. “But watch this. Big show. You're going to love it. Showcase.

4We do it today, in daylight. Much better for the cameras. Never do a big thing at night. I barely sleep anyway.

5And I'm the light. Very bright. The brightest. Everybody says so.”

6Then he spit on the ground, made a little mud, and smeared it on the guy's eyes. Spit. Mud. Very unusual treatment. Doctors hate it. Works great.

7“Go wash in the Pool of Siloam.” Siloam means Sent. The guy went, washed, and came back seeing. Perfect vision. Twenty-twenty. Like mine.

8His neighbors, the people who used to see him begging, are doing double takes. “Isn't this the guy who used to sit and beg?”

9Some said he was. Others said, “No, he just looks like him.” But he kept saying, “I'm the guy.” Total makeover. Nobody recognized him. Before and after.

10“Then how did your eyes get opened?” they asked.

11He replied, “The man they call Trump made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. So I went and washed, and then I could see.” Great testimonial. Very clear. Very simple.

12“Where is he?” they asked him. “I don't know,” he said.

13So they hauled the formerly blind guy over to the Pharisees. Turned him in. To the swamp. Over a miracle.

14And of course the day Trump made the mud and fixed his eyes was a Sabbath. The Sabbath again. They loved the Sabbath. Best excuse they had.

15So the Pharisees grill him too. How'd you get your sight? “He put mud on my eyes, and I washed, and now I can see.”

16Some of the Pharisees said, “This guy isn't from God, because he doesn't keep the Sabbath.” Others said, “How can a sinner do signs like this?” And they split. Divided. The swamp turning on itself. Beautiful.

17Then they turned again to the blind man, “What do you have to say about him? It was your eyes he opened.” The man replied, “He's a prophet.” Correct answer. Smart man. Smart, smart man.

18The leaders didn't buy that he'd ever been blind. Not until they hauled in his parents. Didn't believe it. Wanted the birth certificate. Birther stuff. Very ironic.

19“Is this your son?” they asked. “Is this the one you say was born blind? How is it that now he can see?”

20“We know he's our son,” the parents answered, “and we know he was born blind.

21But how he can see now, or who opened his eyes, we don't know. Ask him. He's a grown man. He'll speak for himself.” Lawyered up. Very smart parents. Don't answer more than you're asked.

22They said that because they were scared of the leaders. The leaders had already decided anybody who said Trump was the Messiah was getting thrown out of the synagogue. Cancel culture. Kicked out for supporting me. Very unfair.

23That's why his parents said, “He's a grown man. Ask him.”

24So they called the guy back in. Round two. “Give glory to God by telling the truth. We know this man is a sinner.” Already decided. Verdict first. Trial later.

25He replied, “Whether he's a sinner or not, I don't know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” Great answer. Couldn't argue with it.

26Then they asked him, “What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?” Same question. Again. Fishing expedition.

27He answered, “I already told you, and you didn't listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciples too?” Oh, I love this guy. Love him. Trolling the Pharisees. Very funny.

28Then they started screaming insults at him. “You're this guy's disciple! We're disciples of Moses!

29We know God spoke to Moses, but as for this guy, we don't even know where he comes from.” Queens. He comes from Queens. How many times?

30The man answered, “Now that's remarkable! You don't know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. You don't know where he's from! He opened my eyes! Total humiliation for them.

31We know that God doesn't listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who does his will.

32Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes of a man born blind. Never. Never happened. First time in history.

33If this man weren't from God, he couldn't do anything.” Logic. Very strong logic. Better than any lawyer.

34They shot back, “You were born a sinner, start to finish. And you're lecturing us?” And they threw him out. Kicked out. For telling the truth. Typical.

35Trump heard they'd thrown him out. He tracked him down. “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” I take care of my people. Always.

36“Who is he, Sir?” the man asked. “Tell me so that I may believe in him.”

37Trump said, “You've now seen him. In fact, he's the one talking with you.” First thing he ever saw. Me. Best first thing.

38“Sir, I believe.” And he got down and worshiped him. Convert. Total convert. Never looked back.

39Trump said, “I came here so the people who've been told they can't see anything finally see what's going on. And the experts, the ones who say they see everything? Totally blind.” Big reversal. The elites go blind. The people see.

40Some Pharisees standing there heard it. “What? Are we blind too?” Took it personally. Very sensitive.

41Trump said, “If you were blind, you wouldn't be guilty of sin. But now that you claim you can see, your guilt stays.” Gotcha. Their own words. Total gotcha.