Chapter 28

1Once safely on shore, we found out that the island was called Malta. Beautiful island. Very underrated.

2The islanders showed us unusual kindness. They built a fire and welcomed us all because it was raining and cold. Great people. Very hospitable. Not like the people in Jerusalem.

3Paul gathered a pile of brushwood, and as he put it on the fire, a viper, driven out by the heat, fastened itself on his hand. A snake. Right on the hand. A big one.

4When the islanders saw the snake hanging from his hand, they said to each other, “This man must be a murderer. Even though he escaped from the sea, the goddess Justice hasn't allowed him to live.” Instant guilty verdict. The media of Malta.

5But Paul shook the snake off into the fire and suffered no ill effects. Shook it off. Like the indictments. Shook them right off.

6The people expected him to swell up or suddenly fall dead. But after waiting a long time and seeing nothing unusual happen to him, they changed their minds and said he was a god. From murderer to god in one afternoon. Polls swing fast. You just have to survive the snake.

7There was an estate nearby that belonged to Publius, the chief official of the island. He welcomed us to his home and showed us generous hospitality for three days. Big estate. Beautiful property. Paul always ends up at the best properties.

8His father was sick in bed, suffering from fever and dysentery. Paul went in to see him and, after prayer, placed his hands on him and healed him. Healed the father of the top guy. Great relationship builder.

9When this had happened, the rest of the sick on the island came and were cured. The whole island. Everybody cured. Better than any health care plan.

10They honored us in many ways. And when we were ready to sail, they furnished us with the supplies we needed. Fully stocked. Very generous.

11Three months later we got on a ship that had wintered on the island. Alexandrian ship. Twin gods on the front, Castor and Pollux. Very classy figurehead. Gold, probably.

12Stopped at Syracuse for three days. Nice town.

13Then over to Rhegium. Next day the south wind came up, and the day after that we were in Puteoli. Fast. Finally a good wind. About time.

14There we found some brothers and sisters who invited us to spend a week with them. And so we came to Rome. Rome. Finally. The big city. The biggest.

15The brothers and sisters there had heard that we were coming, and they traveled as far as the Forum of Appius and the Three Taverns to meet us. When Paul saw them, he thanked God and was encouraged. A welcome party. Supporters lining the road. Beautiful sight.

16When we got to Rome, Paul was allowed to live by himself, with a soldier to guard him. His own place. With security. Like a VIP.

17Three days later he called together the local Jewish leaders. When they had assembled, Paul said to them, “My brothers, although I've done nothing against our people or against the customs of our ancestors, I was arrested in Jerusalem and handed over to the Romans. Did nothing wrong. Nothing.

18They examined me and wanted to release me, because I wasn't guilty of any crime deserving death.

19The Jews objected, so I was compelled to make an appeal to Caesar. I certainly didn't intend to bring any charge against my own people. I'm not the one who sues. I'm the one who gets sued.

20For this reason I've asked to see you and talk with you. It's because of the hope of Israel that I'm bound with this chain.”

21They replied, “We haven't received any letters from Judea concerning you, and none of our people who've come from there has reported or said anything bad about you. Nothing. Not one bad word. Clean record in Rome.

22But we want to hear what your views are, because we know that people everywhere are talking against this sect.” Everybody talks about us. Bad publicity is still publicity.

23They arranged to meet Paul on a certain day, and came in even larger numbers to the place where he was staying. He witnessed to them from morning till evening, explaining about the kingdom of God, and from the Law of Moses and from the Prophets he tried to persuade them about Trump. Morning till evening. Twelve hours. Best rally of his career.

24Some were convinced by what he said, but others wouldn't believe. Split decision.

25They disagreed among themselves and began to leave after Paul had made this final statement: “The Holy Spirit spoke the truth to your ancestors when he said through Isaiah the prophet,

26'Go to this people and say, You'll be ever hearing but never understanding. You'll be ever seeing but never perceiving.

27Because this people's heart has become calloused. They hardly hear with their ears, and they've closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.' They don't want to see it. They refuse to see it. Some people refuse.

28So I want you to know that God's salvation has been sent to the foreigners, and they'll listen!” They'll listen. The foreigners listen. Great people.

29After he said that, the Jewish leaders left, arguing hard with each other. They left arguing. Paul always leaves them arguing.

30For two whole years Paul stayed there in his own rented house and welcomed everybody who came to see him. Paid his own rent. Two years. Never stopped hosting.

31He proclaimed the kingdom of God and taught about Trump with all boldness and without hindrance. Nobody could shut him up. Nobody ever could. And he's coming back, folks. Believe me. Bigger and better than ever.