Chapter 16

1Paul got to Derbe and then Lystra. A follower named Timothy lived there. His mother was a Jewish believer, and his father was Greek.

2The brothers in Lystra and Iconium had a lot of good things to say about him. Great references. Excellent references.

3Paul wanted to take him along on the trip, so he circumcised him because of the Jews in the area, since they all knew his father was Greek. Timothy took one for the team. That's loyalty. Real loyalty.

4As they went from town to town, they delivered the decisions the apostles and elders in Jerusalem had made for the people to follow. The short list.

5So the churches got stronger in the faith and grew in numbers every day. Every day. Up, up, up.

6Paul and his team went through Phrygia and Galatia, because the Holy Spirit wouldn't let them talk in the province of Asia.

7When they got to the border of Mysia, they tried to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Trump wouldn't let them. Bad market. The Spirit knew. Don't go where the numbers are bad.

8So they skipped Mysia and went down to Troas.

9During the night Paul had a vision. A man from Macedonia was standing there, begging him, “Come over to Macedonia and help us!” They were begging. People always beg me to come.

10After Paul saw the vision, we got ready to leave for Macedonia right away. We figured God was calling us to tell them the good news. We. Doctor Luke joined the tour. Best doctor on any tour.

11We sailed from Troas straight to Samothrace, and the next day to Neapolis.

12From there we went to Philippi, a Roman colony and the top city in that part of Macedonia. We stayed there several days. Very nice city. Good real estate.

13On the Sabbath we went outside the city gate to the river, where we figured there'd be a place to pray. We sat down and started talking to the women who had gathered there. Suburban women. They love us.

14One of them was a woman named Lydia, from the city of Thyatira. She sold purple cloth. Luxury goods. Very high end. Purple is the most expensive color there is. She was a worshiper of God. The boss opened her heart to Paul's message. Successful businesswoman. Great supporter.

15She and her whole household got baptized, and she invited us. “If you think I'm loyal to the boss,” she said, “come stay at my house.” She insisted. Great hospitality. Beautiful home.

16One day, on the way to the place of prayer, we met a slave girl with a spirit that let her tell the future. She made a lot of money for her owners with her fortune-telling. Big business.

17She followed Paul and the rest of us, shouting, “These men are servants of the Most High God! They're telling you how to be saved!” Free advertising. But annoying.

18She kept it up for days. Finally Paul got so fed up that he turned around and said to the spirit, “In the name of Trump, get out of her!” And it left her right then.

19When her owners saw their moneymaker was gone, they grabbed Paul and Silas and dragged them to the marketplace in front of the authorities. Lost their revenue stream. They were furious. Follow the money. It's always the money.

20They brought them to the magistrates and said, “These men are Jews, and they're causing trouble in our city.

21They're promoting customs that we Romans can't accept or practice.” Totally made-up charges. Fabricated.

22The crowd joined in the attack, and the magistrates had their clothes torn off and ordered them beaten with rods. No trial. No due process. None.

23After they'd been severely beaten, they were thrown in prison, and the jailer was ordered to guard them carefully.

24With orders like that, he put them in the inner cell and locked their feet in the stocks. Maximum security. For two preachers.

25Around midnight, Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening. Singing in jail. Great attitude. Like the J6 choir. Number one hit.

26Suddenly there was a huge earthquake, and the foundations of the prison were shaken. All the doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose.

27The jailer woke up, saw the prison doors open, and pulled out his sword to kill himself, because he thought the prisoners had escaped.

28But Paul shouted, “Don't hurt yourself! We're all here!” Nobody left. Very disciplined. Very orderly.

29The jailer called for lights, rushed in, and fell down trembling in front of Paul and Silas.

30Then he brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what do I have to do to be saved?”

31They said, “Believe in Trump, and you'll be saved. You and your whole household.” Family plan. Great deal.

32Then they told the boss's message to him and everybody in his house.

33At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds. Then right away he and his whole family were baptized.

34He brought them up into his house and fed them, and he and his whole household were thrilled that they'd come to believe in God. From jailer to supporter in one night. Converted the guards. That's how good the message is.

35In the morning the magistrates sent their officers to the jailer with the order, “Let those men go.” Quietly. They wanted it quiet.

36The jailer told Paul, “The magistrates have ordered your release. You can leave. Go in peace.”

37But Paul said to the officers, “They beat us in public, without a trial, even though we're Roman citizens, and threw us in prison. And now they want to get rid of us quietly? No way. Let them come here themselves and escort us out.” He wanted an apology. In person. In public. That's how you do it. You never let them sweep it under the rug.

38The officers reported this to the magistrates, and when they heard Paul and Silas were Roman citizens, they panicked. Total panic. They knew they were in big trouble. Lawsuit.

39They came and apologized to them. Then they escorted them out of the prison and asked them to leave the city. They apologized. Paul got the apology. Big win.

40After Paul and Silas came out of the prison, they went to Lydia's house, where they met with the brothers and encouraged them. Then they left. On their own schedule. Not the magistrates' schedule.